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A shadow in the Dark by ~Tidlz:iconTidlz:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Open


A Shadow in the Dark



Torn in two, my soul and my body
Death is swift, comes into my mind
This pain that is coming
No one can run
They cry as their soul tears
Right under the midnight sun

The moon is dark, as it lights up the night
Down comes the axe, as it decides my fate
The pain that’s now here
No one can hear you
As you scream
And have everyone fear you

I scream in pain
A shadow in the dark
My soul in the rain
Aflame is the ark
No one can hear you, everyone fears you
A shadow in the dark
©2005-2010 ~Tidlz
:icontidlz:

Author's Comments

Well make this out as you want, i dunno where it came from, or my inspiration, i wrote it 2day after my i finished an hour early 4 my biology exam,, was bored, so i wrote this,, make of it as u want,,

Comments


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:iconemisia:
~Emisia Sep 13, 2005, 12:55:02 AM
Kyaaaaaa!!!!


That's completely totaly cool!!!!!

I like it very much. And these would suit as lyrics for a power metal song well :)

Good work!!!! Keep it up! ;P
:icontidlz:
~Tidlz Sep 13, 2005, 12:59:14 AM
well,, i had cradle of filth in my head,, their a goth band,, n,, u know,,, i was bored,, it was supposed ta b a song :D luv ya comment :D

--
I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chime;
Reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time;
'Cause at 5 o'clock, they take me to the Gallows pole;
The sands of time, for me are running low... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!
:iconverric:
~Verric Sep 13, 2005, 3:54:14 AM
I think you repeat 'soul' to many times in the first stanza. Otherwise I quite like your word choices. I think the rhyme makes the subject less serious, and the rythm is too jaunty. You should try enjambment or whatever it's called, it makes it uber fancy.

I like the line "They cry as their soul tears" a lot though! :)

--
On my last maths test, my teacher gave me lots of OXOXOXOX. I think she likes me.
:icontidlz:
~Tidlz Sep 13, 2005, 4:17:06 AM
lol,, thanx m8,, jst i dont usually write lyrics,, i make up music to em,, but as i sed,, i was bored in an exam:D comment appreciated,, ill practice:D

--
I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chime;
Reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time;
'Cause at 5 o'clock, they take me to the Gallows pole;
The sands of time, for me are running low... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!
:icontidlz:
~Tidlz Sep 13, 2005, 4:30:19 AM
ohh and whats this enjambment,, got any examples of this :D????

--
I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chime;
Reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time;
'Cause at 5 o'clock, they take me to the Gallows pole;
The sands of time, for me are running low... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!
:iconhitotsuboshi:
~Hitotsuboshi Sep 13, 2005, 7:07:30 AM
Ohmygyawsh!! This is intense, Tidlz! It's really dark, too, but in a cool way. I dunno, I may have to steal it from you to use it in a story. :D :D :D

--
D&C 18:10: "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

"I usually find that I am much smarter when I am not thinking about trying to be smart."

*da-mentors! :w00t!:
:icontidlz:
~Tidlz Sep 14, 2005, 5:49:37 AM
u r a person of few words arnt ya :D well,, i dunno if its intense,, was ment 4 a goth like song,, so yeh :D

--
I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chime;
Reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time;
'Cause at 5 o'clock, they take me to the Gallows pole;
The sands of time, for me are running low... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!
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